Grammar
Image from Wikipedia
Skunk by Tom Friedel
Leopard by JanErkamp
Beaver by Steve
All images from Wikipedia under Creative Commons licenses.
Click on any image to see the full-size original and license details at Wikipedia
- A Christmas Quiz
The First Christmas Card (from Wikipedia) Multifunctional quiz: There are five sets of questions, each based on a different aspect of Christmas. Use the dropdown selector on the left to select a set. Christmas time Christmas food and drink Santa...
- Christmas Collocations Quiz - Vocab Game
This game has eight quizzes related to Christmas. General Christmas Christmas decorations Chritmas verbs Food and drink Christmas carols The Twelve Days of Christmas Winter activities Wintry idioms ...
- Vocab Game - Food Collocations (mainly British) Quiz
This game has twelve quizzes related to the food we eat in Britain. Most natives of Britain will recognise these easily, but I have to confess it will be difficult for foreign learners. There are some links at the bottom where you can get...
- Confusing Words - Different, Other, Another And Next
Sometimes students can get a bit confused with the words: (a) different, another, (the) other and (the) next. Try the first exercise, then we'll take a look at the differences, with some more exercises and a story. Click and Drop - Where...
- Christmas Cracker Joke Matching Quiz
What lies in a pram and wobbles?A jelly-baby ? Why did the tomato blush?Because it saw the salad dressing ? How do you hire a horse?Stand it on four bricks ? Christmas cracker jokes are notoriously bad, relying heavily on awful puns (word play)....
Grammar
More Christmas cracker jokes - Matching quizzes
Image from Wikipedia
Christmas cracker jokes are written almost to a formula, and make great use of corny puns. We like to groan at how awful they are, but they are a quintessential part of a British Christmas. Some are on Christmas themes, many are not. I found most of the jokes here in several places on the Internet, so I don't think I'm treading on anybody's copyright toes.
Exercise 1 - General jokes
| 1. | Why are bananas never lonely? | ||
| 2. | What did the dog get for Christmas? | ||
| 3. | What do you get if you cross a skeleton and a detective? | ||
| 4. | What does the carpet salesman give to his wife for Valentine's Day? | ||
| 5. | How did the human cannonball lose his job? | ||
| 6. | What did the policeman say to the stomach? | ||
| 7. | Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance? | ||
| 8. | Where do Snow-women like to dance? | ||
| 9. | What did baby corn say to mummy corn? | ||
| 10. | Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters? |
| a | Where's popcorn? |
| b | They keep loosing their needles |
| c | At Snowballs. |
| d | Rugs and kisses |
| e | You're under a vest |
| f | Sherlock Bones |
| g | They have two left feet |
| h | Because they go around in bunches |
| i | He got fired |
| j | A mobile bone |
Exercise 2 - The chicken and the road jokes
Probably every child in Britain knows the chicken and the road joke:
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
- To get to the other side.
These jokes take the basic joke a step further.
| 1. | Why did the chicken cross the football field? | ||
| 2. | Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again? | ||
| 3. | Why did the chicken cross the roundabout (in the playground)? | ||
| 4. | Why didn't the scared chicken skeleton cross the road | ||
| 5. | Why did the chewing gum cross the road? | ||
| 6. | Why did the brave little turkey cross the road? | ||
| 7. | Why did the dinosaur cross the road | ||
| 8. | Why did the turtle cross the road? | ||
| 9. | Why did Rudolph cross the road? | ||
| 10. | Why did the kind-hearted horse cross the road? |
| a | Because it was stuck to the chicken |
| b | He heard the referee calling fowls |
| c | To get to the Shell station. |
| d | To get to the other slide |
| e | Because the chicken badly needed a day off |
| f | Because he didn't have the guts |
| g | Because he was a dirty double-crosser |
| h | To prove he wasn't chicken |
| i | Because he was pulling the chicken on a sleigh |
| j | Because chickens hadn't evolved yet |
Animal jokes
Skunk by Tom Friedel
Leopard by JanErkamp
Beaver by Steve
All images from Wikipedia under Creative Commons licenses.
Click on any image to see the full-size original and license details at Wikipedia
Exercise 3 - Animal jokes
| 1. | Did you hear about the leopard who had a bath every day? | ||
| 2. | How do hedgehogs make love? | ||
| 3. | How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? | ||
| 4. | How do you stop a skunk smelling? | ||
| 5. | What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? | ||
| 6. | What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? | ||
| 7. | What do you call a bull asleep on the ground? | ||
| 8. | What do you call a gigantic polar bear? | ||
| 9. | What do you call a sick crocodile? | ||
| 10. | What does an angry kangaroo do? | ||
| 11. | What's a frog's favourite drink? | ||
| 12. | Which type of dog has no tail? |
| a | Croak-a-cola. |
| b | A bulldozer. |
| c | Nothing, you just run away. |
| d | Nice gnawing you! |
| e | Hold its nose! |
| f | Get hopping mad. |
| g | Fleece Navidad! |
| h | Cross-mouse cards. |
| i | An illigator. |
| j | A hotdog |
| k | He's spotless. |
| l | Very carefully. |
Exercise 4 - Elf jokes
A lot of elf jokes play on the fact that the word "elf" can sound like other words, two in particular. Here's a clue. In parts of London you might hear someone say, 'I want be elfy, welfy and wise'. Elves are often referred to as Santa's little helpers
| 1. | Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed? | ||
| 2. | What does Santa do with fat elves? | ||
| 3. | What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? | ||
| 4. | What did Santa say to the smoker? | ||
| 5. | Where do elves go to dance? | ||
| 6. | Did Rudolph go to school? | ||
| 7. | How do elves greet each other? | ||
| 8. | What is a female elf called? | ||
| 9. | How do you describe a rich elf? | ||
| 10. | If there were 11 elves, and another one came along, what would he be? |
| a | Welfy |
| b | A shelf |
| c | He had low elf-esteem. |
| d | The twelf |
| e | Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf! |
| f | He sends them to an Elf Farm! |
| g | Small world, isn't it? |
| h | The elf-abet! |
| i | Christmas Balls! |
| j | No. He was Elf-taught! |
Exercise 5 - More general jokes
| 1. | What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas? | ||
| 2. | What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? | ||
| 3. | What did the digital watch say to the analogue watch? | ||
| 4. | What did one wall say to the other wall? | ||
| 5. | What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of? | ||
| 6. | What do you give a man who has everything? | ||
| 7. | What goes up and never comes down? | ||
| 8. | What's white and goes up? | ||
| 9. | Who wore the first shell suit? | ||
| 10. | Why are tall people always the laziest? | ||
| 11. | Why can you never play jokes on snakes? | ||
| 12. | Why do birds fly south in winter? |
| a | They lie longest in bed. |
| b | Antibiotics. |
| c | Humpty Dumpty. |
| d | A ladder in her stocking. |
| e | You can never pull their legs |
| f | Your age. |
| g | Look! No hands! |
| h | Dam. |
| i | I'll meet you at the corner. |
| j | It's too far to walk. |
| k | You! |
| l | A confused snowflake. |
Exercise 6 - More elf jokes
Note these other small creatures sometimes found in stories:
- goblin - a small ugly creature that likes to trick people or cause trouble (OALD)
- gnome - a creature like a small man with a pointed hat, who lives under the ground and guards gold and treasure (OALD)
| 1. | What do Elves use to go from floor to floor? | ||
| 2. | What do they call a wild elf in Kansas? | ||
| 3. | What do you call Santa's little helpers? | ||
| 4. | What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? | ||
| 5. | Where do you find elves? | ||
| 6. | Which elf sings "Blue Christmas" and "Santa Claus Is Back in Town"? | ||
| 7. | Why did Santa tell off one of his elves? | ||
| 8. | Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace? | ||
| 9. | Why do elves scratch themselves? | ||
| 10. | Why does Santa owe everything to the elves? |
| a | Elfis! |
| b | Because they're the only ones who know where its itchy! |
| c | Because he is an elf-made man! |
| d | He wanted to sleep like a log |
| e | Subordinate clauses |
| f | An Elfevator |
| g | Because he was goblin his Christmas dinner! |
| h | Shortbread |
| i | Depends where you left them! |
| j | Gnome on the range! |
Related posts
- Christmas cracker joke matching quiz - A short matching quiz
- Christmas cracker gapfill quiz - Learn a bir about Christmas crackers
- A passive Christmas day - Practise the passive with a short account of how we spend some of Christmas Day.
loading...
- A Christmas Quiz
The First Christmas Card (from Wikipedia) Multifunctional quiz: There are five sets of questions, each based on a different aspect of Christmas. Use the dropdown selector on the left to select a set. Christmas time Christmas food and drink Santa...
- Christmas Collocations Quiz - Vocab Game
This game has eight quizzes related to Christmas. General Christmas Christmas decorations Chritmas verbs Food and drink Christmas carols The Twelve Days of Christmas Winter activities Wintry idioms ...
- Vocab Game - Food Collocations (mainly British) Quiz
This game has twelve quizzes related to the food we eat in Britain. Most natives of Britain will recognise these easily, but I have to confess it will be difficult for foreign learners. There are some links at the bottom where you can get...
- Confusing Words - Different, Other, Another And Next
Sometimes students can get a bit confused with the words: (a) different, another, (the) other and (the) next. Try the first exercise, then we'll take a look at the differences, with some more exercises and a story. Click and Drop - Where...
- Christmas Cracker Joke Matching Quiz
What lies in a pram and wobbles?A jelly-baby ? Why did the tomato blush?Because it saw the salad dressing ? How do you hire a horse?Stand it on four bricks ? Christmas cracker jokes are notoriously bad, relying heavily on awful puns (word play)....